Even once we understand and acknowledge our emotions, and even once we have the ability to talk about them with our business partners and coworkers, that does not mean we spontaneously cease to have emotional experiences. When emotions run high, particularly during times of pressure and stress, our ability to “tune out” emotions is weakened. That’s fine-the objective is not to repress emotions, but to express them such a way that we turn them to our advantage.
First, recognize that when emotions run high and we act in the heat of the moment we rarely produce results we would be proud of. Take a moment to sort out our own emotional state. During a conflict, or in the wake of surprising news, take ten to thirty minutes to let your physiological state settle down. Acting under impulse can be very tempting, but usually it escalates rather than resolves the issue at hand.
Second, do your best to depersonalize your own experience. Anyone is entitled to feel upset at sudden, unexpected news. Recognize your response as part of your survival wiring; your emotional intuition is wholly appropriate given your high-pressure situation. You are motivated to act, out of fear or anger, as part of the fight/flight/freeze response that made our species so adaptable. You are entitled to whatever emotional experiences you have, as long as you don’t use your emotions as permission to self-sabotage or exacerbate problems. With this frame of mind you will learn how to create enough space between emotions and your response to process difficult emotional situations.
Finally, balance your work-life elements to compensate for the pressure you feel. Sometimes taking your mind off of a difficult issue for a period of time gives you enough clarity and distance to refocus your energy. Instead of reacting to criticism from a coworker, give yourself 24 hours to cool down while you see a movie or catch up with friends. When you return to the issue you will have a clearer head and be ready to deal with the situation in a professional manner.
James Bergstrom is an organizational consultant and business coach. He is available to advise senior executives and corporate decision makers on innovation and organizational strategy. Visit http://professionalign.com for more information.
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